11/27/13 It’s not my birthday. I’m just sad
I never had a surprise for my birthday (or any kind of celebration) from anyone ever
I’m sad… I’m really really really sad… Posting this won’t help either — unless there’s someone who could read this and even thought of talking to me either here, on the phone, or personally… I don’t have high hopes… I never had. Fuck it, I sound pessimistic and I’m not really optimistic. I’m just plain sad. I don’t feel any emotional support from my parents and my friends are all busy because they have a job (which what I still don’t have).
I feel dead, and this post is made by my ghost and my laptop is playing all my music and haunting the house yet no one recognizes that I exist.
I want to go out so I can get out of my grave. But that means dishonoring my mother who wants me to sweep the floor, clean the bathroom, etc. which I do in a daily basis. Mom’s always cranky. Gets mad at me every time one of us wakes up, when I’m still in front of my laptop thinking that I’m only playing games with it when I’m actually looking and applying for jobs and in this case haunting my house and the internet with this post. But if I go outside, mom is alone. She’s scared of being alone, but she keep on doing things that drives me away and yet I’m still here because she’s scared of being alone. If I went outside, my parents would translate it as running away from responsibility (which is them. They ought to be MY responsibility cause they helped me graduate financially. Hey… that’s their responsibility!!).
Either way, whatever negative things happen to me, they blame me. They always do. Example: Mass starts by 7:30am, mom starts to dress up on 7 or 7:15. It takes her averagely 45mins.-1hr just to dress up. Me on the other hand by 7am already dressed, and waiting for mom while preping the car. DEEP SHIT!! SHE BLAMES ME FOR MAKING US LATE!!
This is stupid. I forgot that there’s no human being looking out for me. If I killed myself right now, that will give the dead the FUCKING attention but the world will never notice.
This is how I see my life now. I don’t know what will happen next.
this just came in my mind. “To be a better person in the eyes of other people, die, then get the attention you seek. To be the best person in the eyes of the one you will always love, live, never seek for their love.” -Ricardo C. Gonzales Jr. III
Hello to all my new bouquet of followers!
starting from 54 days ago till the most recent… I couldn’t make a list of y’all but please enjoy my blog
PsyLight’s 10 Favorite Anime.
Note: This isn’t my top 10 anime list, nor is this in any order.
1) 5 Centimeters Per Second
2) White Album
4) Samurai Champloo
6) Gunslinger Girls
7) The Idolm@ster
8) Kore wa Zombie Desu Ka?
9) Monogatari Series
10) Neon Genesis Evangelion
Feels like a hole in my chest… am I a hollow?
What have I been doing?
playing with my psp while doing shotgun application to every company for a job and cleaning my room that turned to be a storage room. Its not that a lot to take in, really. I’m just frustrated that I still don’t have a job